2 Years Ago Today

Posted by on Jul 19, 2015 in Dear Phoenix | 5 Comments

Dear Phoenix,

Two¬†years ago today you had your first surgery. It seems like a lifetime ago. I wish the worst thing in my life was you facing another surgery. Mommy is selfish like that. I would take you back, even if that meant you had to have 100 more surgeries. Mommy is sorry that you had to endure so much in your short little life. You did though. You were such a trooper. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe that you went through what you did. It is also hard to believe that you are gone. Every morning I have to wake up to that cruel reality. What do you wake up to? Clouds? Angels? Kitten snuggles?

We are past all the ‘first’ events without you. In someways I feel like I have reached some great horrible milestone. Yet, other times I feel like it was just yesterday that you left me. Life keeps going on. Little Brother keeps growing. My heart got left behind.

I love you Baby Girl.

Sweet Little Hands

Sweet Little Hands

Adorable toes.

Adorable toes.


Little Girl


Even in cast she was adorable.

2 years ago

I wish I could hold you again.


  1. Lisa Brown
    July 19, 2015

    i love reading your posts Beth, and my heart aches for you. You are in my continued prayers. Xo
    Lisa Brown

  2. Maisha
    July 19, 2015

    Oh Beth, I never knew Phoenix but I can tell that she was an awesome little girl. I am proud of your growth and strength. It shows me that Christians have a hope that is unexplainable; that we can persevere in spite of. You and your husband stayed together and weathered this tsunami storm. Praise God for you and your family.

  3. mike barfield
    July 21, 2015

    So Sorry for your loss .

  4. CJ
    July 24, 2015

    I saw your sweet daughter’s photo today on another site in a comment that (I’m assuming) you left, and came across your blog while reading up on Apert syndrome. I’m sure I’m far from the only one who immediately went to Google after reading your comment, because so few have heard of it. Phoenix may no longer be physically here, but she is still impacting many lives.

    Thank you for so candidly sharing your journey with Phoenix from the very beginning, and for sharing what is on your heart in the wake of her loss. I have no doubt that her life and her story have been a blessing to others, especially as they face the uncertainty of what an Apert diagnosis will means for their lives when they first hear those words.

    I am tremendously sorry for your loss, and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. Lauren
    September 30, 2015

    Still thinking of you and your adorable sweet baby Phoenix. Some days I’m over whelmed from work, the daily grind whatever… Then I think about what really matters. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and love for Phoenix. She truly lives on and impacts lives.


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