Forever My Baby
“Phoenix’s birth was a tidal wave. Her death was an earthquake.” These words were uttered by Luke shortly after her passing. They are so true. I remember feeling like I was drowning in a sea of confusion, questions and information when she was born. It took me a while to navigate this scary new world that I had been tossed into. Learning what needed to be done, what doctors we should see. After some time, I came to a place of acceptance that this was my new normal, and eventually new normal turned into life. I wouldn’t of changed it for anything. Phoenix was perfect just the way she was. All the surgeries were to simply make life easier for her. It was only 19 short months later that she was ripped from my life. Ripped from the lives of so many people that came to love her, either from knowing her personally or from afar. God gave her to us and he took her away. I may never know the answer as to why he would give me a child like Phoenix and I may never know why he took her away. I do know that I will see her again. My sister, Becky, has been called the happiest depressed person, because she is always looking forward to Jesus coming back. Now, I am not saying that I didn’t look forward to His return before, but now I yearn for it. I just want to be with my baby again. I want to hold her, sing to her, give her kisses.
12 Comments
Amy Jones
May 30, 2014Grieving with those who grieve. There is nothing I can do to fix it, but if you need anything I can help with, please don’t be shy.
Kellie dowd
May 30, 2014Till you meet again. Beautifully said
Sondra Needham
May 31, 2014I pray that The Lord will give you peace . I know God loves you . I love you too , and I’m so proud of you . God bless you . Xx
Christine Ciraulo
May 31, 2014I will prayer for baby Phoenix that she rests peacefully in Gods hands. Until you see her again she is in your heart and hearts of many other family and friends forever. So sorry for this loss.
Ryan Broomé
May 31, 2014From a favorite hymn:
God be with you till we meet again;
By his counsels guide, uphold you;
With his sheep securely fold you.
God be with you till we meet again.
God be with you till we meet again;
When life’s perils thick confound you,
Put his arms unfailing round you.
God be with you till we meet again.
God be with you till we meet again;
Keep love’s banner floating o’er you;
Smite death’s threat’ning wave before you.
God be with you till we meet again.
Till we meet, till we meet,
Till we meet at Jesus’ feet,
Till we meet, till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.
Josephine Ludwig
May 31, 2014Hi. I know you and your story through Becky. I asked God why a lot! God is never surprised that I bug him because He knows me so well. So I always ask. Sometimes is it wise and needed for me to get the “why” but it is NEVER until about 3 years later. Often I never get the “why” but I am given peace or love instead. I just really want you to know, mom, how much Phoenix connects me to God. It does not stop. I love that girl. She is amazing.
YOU are amazing. Often, I wish just hearing people tell us that would make us feel better. It does not make me feel better in the moment when I am sad. Eventually it does. I hope you knowing that I think you are amazing will eventually help you to feel better. I also want you to know how many of us (there are so so many of us) that know God better because of you and Phoenix. That does not ever stop. I want to continue to know you and Phoenix through you and through Becky as well. There are lots of lessons I know I NEED To continue to learn by walking this journey in blog world and soul world with you. I may not ever meet you in person but my spirit and heart already knows you and loves you.
Keep writing. I Thank you so much. We all need to read it as much as you need to write. It is all for something. And I love you. YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN. I know I need to continue to know that for myself. YOU keep ME going often !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Margaret Meder
May 31, 2014Your words are beautiful. So is the eternal love between you and Phoenix. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and sit with you. I am with you in spirit always. Margaret
Angie Williamson
June 1, 2014Dearest Beth – Phoenix will always be your ray of sunshine! She was a doll – I always send good thoughts to you every morning I drive by your house. Much love to you now and always for you baby girl!
Stacy Gilmore
June 1, 2014I don;t personally know you, but as a mother, my heart aches and aches for you as you face the most painful thing I imagine a person could go through. You are in my thoughts and prayers. She was blessed with a wonderful life thanks to her family’s love. God bless you. Your reunion one day will be beautiful….
Julie foley
June 1, 2014Dear Beth,
I am so sorry, my heart aches for you. I am at a loss for words, but know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. May Jesus hold you close.
Julie
Toni Hoffelder
June 5, 2014I’ve enjoyed watching your journey as a mother. You are a fantastic one. I am praying for you, Luke, and your family. And my friends are praying too.. thinking of you often.
Patty Boels
June 5, 2014Dear Beth,
We are here but feel powerless to stop the grief you are going through. May you have every needful thing in your heart is my prayer. Daily I think of you baby girl and your family.
Patty