Longer without you

Dear Phoenix,
A few weeks ago marked 19 months since you passed. We have now entered a time I have been dreading – more time without you than with you. I only had 19 short months with you. It often seems so unfair that our time was cut short. The pain is unescapable. The pain of knowing that I have to face an unknown amount of years without you. Sometimes I think the pain will swallow me whole. Yet, I get up every morning and face each day without you in it. The world is darker because of this.

The holidays were rough. I am told they will always be. New Years was rough. I brought it in by sitting next to your quiet spot. It is not fair that I have to even say you have one of those. Bella came and laid down next to me while I sat. She misses her girl.  I think she is starting to warm up to Little Brother. The other day she nuzzled his feet while he sat petting her!

It is fascinating to me how much you affect my life in such a short time. You only lived on Earth for 19 months yet you managed to bring so much joy and happiness to those who knew you. You will always be loved.

I love you,

Mommy