Naive

Posted by on Apr 5, 2014 in Update | 5 Comments

As many of you know, Luke and I are expecting our second child this summer.  I would be lying if I said this pregnancy is exactly the same as last time.  Not only am I not as sick this go around I am not as naive.  When I was pregnant with Phoenix I had all these expectations of what my daughter would look like and be like.  It never even crossed my mind that she would be different.  We told ourselves that there is nothing wrong with us or our immediate family, so why would anything be wrong with our baby.  I remember Luke joking that the baby would put its hand against my womb whenever he tried to feel her move, and he would hold his hand up with all fingers spread out. I was naive. Naive to think it won’t happen to me. Naive to think that I would have a healthy child.

I am not naive anymore. Now I know. In fact, I can’t look at numbers the same anymore. Why? Because, I am the static.  I had a child with syndrome that only occurs in 1 in 200,000 births. So, when the doctor tells me my chance of having a child with a disability is 1 in 10,000 that is not very reassuring to me. The level 2 ultra sound showed no abnormalities, but that means nothing to me. I will only have peace when they place that child in my arms. Even then, there are so many diseases and disorders that come later in life….. Please, don’t preach to me about ‘it is all in God’s plan’, because I know it is.  I don’t want to hear that it will all work out, I know it will. Just let me be.

5 Comments

  1. Ellen Bohac
    April 5, 2014

    Good speach, you know what you are talking about, you’ve been there, I don’t think people are being mean with what they say , they love you and they think you might be afraid with this pregnancy, I think you are just letting nature take its coarce, you and Luck made this baby out of your love for each other and that’s all that matters, I can’t wait till your baby is born, post pics cause that’s the only way I can see what he or she looks like, or how much the baby weighs, heck, I don’t even know if it’s a boy or girl, or the due date. oh, I’m glad your not as sick this time around, it makes the pregnancy much more enjoyable.ly guys!!!

    Reply
  2. Beth Coleman
    April 5, 2014

    I know that people aren’t being mean. I know that they mean well. I am due July 11th. We are having a boy!

    Reply
  3. Sally Coleman
    April 5, 2014

    (Hopefully, the first part of this post will show up but if it doesn’t…)just know that I think the You and Luke are a statistic in that out of 200, 000 births God chose you to get to have Phoenix. She is so loved by you and her family and what a sweet, beautiful, loving, little girl she is! No other parents in the world would be better for her and will do everything possible to help her become all God intended her to be! I can only try to imagine all of the possibilities!
    I know pregnancy is a scary thing, especially after the difficulties you have faced BUT just as God has been there with You, Luke and Phoenix, He will continue to be with you and this sweet baby boy. I love you all more than words can say!!!

    Reply
  4. Ellen Bohac
    April 7, 2014

    A boy, awsome!!

    Reply
  5. Diana Bouillon
    April 7, 2014

    Sally said it all. God WILL continue to be with you and my prayers will continue as well.
    You are all precious to me and I’m looking forward to your having a baby boy in the family.
    Love you!

    Reply

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