It has only been 6 weeks since you passed. The weeks have seemed to fly by. Yet, at the same time it feels like everything has stopped. I know it hasn’t. All I have to do is look outside or online, and see that the world keeps going. I can look down at my swollen stomach and see it growing. You used to come up to me and put your chubby little hands on my tummy, I would tell you that your brother is in there. You would just stare at it, than look at me and smile. Did you understand me? Or was it just funny that my belly was getting bigger?
Today is July 4th. While you wouldn’t of cared about it for a couple of years, you would of come to like it. There are barbeques with friends with all sorts of good food, swimming and sparklers. And, there is something so unique about sitting in a park with a bunch of strangers watching a firework show. They are so loud you can feel the vibrations throughout your body. Before the show, you just sit with family and friends and be together. Yes, it is so hot that you feel like you are melting. Yes, the bathroom is usually a 5 minute walk away. Yes, traffic is a pain afterwords. But, you know what? You do it again every year, because it is fun!
Mommy really wishes you were with her. More than you could even know. I want to be selfish. I know that you are in heaven, and you are happier than than the happiest person on earth. But, I want you here with me, in my arms. I want to kiss you all over. I want to hold you and read to you or let you look out the window. I wanted to teach you how to hold sparklers. I wanted to take you to see fireworks. Part of what is hard about loosing you is also loosing the dreams of showing you everything.
I love you baby girl. I can’t wait to see you again.