Goodbye 2014

Posted by on Dec 31, 2014 in Life After Phoenix | One Comment

As the hours of 2014 quickly fade away, I am left with this mix of feelings. In a way I want 2014 to be over. There have been so many deaths this year, not just Phoenix. So many final goodbyes and so many horrible firsts. Like my first Christmas without my precious Phoenix. It was […]

What happened

Posted by on Dec 16, 2014 in Life After Phoenix | 5 Comments

On May 21st, 2014 I found my baby girl dead in her crib. 6 months 25 days. 209 days total without her. I am not the same person I was 210 days ago. The next few days were a blur of horribleness. Signing death certificates, funerals, cremation. Words that don’t belong in the same breath […]


Posted by on Dec 13, 2014 in Life After Phoenix, Poetry | No Comments

The pain in my chest is there because you are not here. The ache is so intense that it physically hurts. Today it is sharp. Yesterday it was dull. What will tomorrow bring? There is silence. It hurts my ears. My arms ache from not holding you. I yearn for sweet baby smell. My lips […]

Little Fingers and Toes

Posted by on Dec 5, 2014 in Life After Phoenix | No Comments

As most of you know Phoenix wasn’t born with ten fingers and toes. She was born with little rosebud hands and her little toes were one. I remember, at her birth, Luke telling me that there was some webbing on her fingers and toes before he showed her to me. In my 20 hours in labor and […]


Posted by on Dec 2, 2014 in Life After Phoenix | 2 Comments

Every morning I wake up with the same thought.” My baby is dead.” I get up and look at her door, sometimes I go in and tell her how much I miss her. Right now, her room is in this strange transition of storage of her clothes and toys and a little remembrance room. Her ashes are […]

My top list of must do’s

Posted by on Dec 1, 2014 in Life After Phoenix | One Comment

My top 10 list of things to do (or not to do) with your babies. 1. Take several photos. Every day. Don’t delete them, even if you don’t like how you look in the picture. 2. Take at least one video every day. Make sure some are longer than 40 seconds. 3. Enjoy the small things. […]