Last night my tubby kitty, Baxter, suddenly passed away. I heard a crash and then crying. After ruling out it wasn’t Little Brother, I found Baxter laying at the bottom of our third floor stairs. I assumed he fell and broke his neck or back because he wasn’t moving. After a few more seconds he was gone. From crash until the end about 1 minute passed. It was so quick I can still barely wrap my mind around it. Luke came home from work and wrapped him in a towel and placed him in a box and I took him to our vet’s office to be cremated. The vet examined him and her best guess was heart failure and he just happened to be at the top of the stairs when it happened. She said it can be a ‘silent killer’ in cats. One moment they are walking around the next they are gone. Again, all so quick – by the time I had him at the vet’s office only an hour had passed.
Our other 2 cats, Bella and Marlowe, were distraught. Marlowe paced at the top of the stairs, and Bella wouldn’t leave my side until I left. Later that night, Marlowe wouldn’t leave us alone and Bella walked through the house crying. They still seem out of sorts today. We are already seeing the results of his absence on Marlowe – Baxter would give her daily baths and now that he is gone, her fur is starting to become oily and she is starting to stink.
I didn’t sleep well last night. While, I didn’t struggle falling asleep like I did when Phoenix passed, I struggled staying asleep and ended up with a horrible migraine that kept me up for a couple hours. When I took my nap this afternoon (perk of being a pregnant woman) Baxter wasn’t there to nap with me. He was the best cat to nap with and he loved when I am pregnant. He always laid on my baby bump and made biscuits on it.
We got Baxter for our first anniversary. He was so little he could fit into Luke’s hand. He waddled. He loved to snuggle. While a lot of people didn’t even know we had a third cat because he was part chicken and hid anytime some came over. He rarely came around Phoenix and Little Brother. Though the past few months he was warming up to Little Brother, and would be in the same room as him.
Through out the day today I kept realizing he is gone. It is incredible that one moment he was here and the next gone. And, while this is nothing compared to the loss of Phoenix, I still grieve and miss him.
Death just sucks. And, I am tired of it. As a beavered mother I do look at death differently, in fact I am probably more open to it then most…but that’s another blog. I didn’t want to have to find my daughter dead in her own vomit. I didn’t want to pet my cat as he cry and pass away at the bottom of the stairs. I am tired. I tired of all of it. I miss my daughter. I miss my cat.
But life goes on. The world keeps spinning. I keeping loving and losing.