Birthday Candle Through Tear Filled Eyes

Posted by on Sep 5, 2018 in Dear Phoenix, Life After Phoenix | No Comments

Dear Phoenix, Today was my birthday and I miss you. Oh, how I wish you were here to celebrate with me. Then maybe I would actually feel like my birthday is worth celebrating – there isn’t much I feel like celebrating since you left. Your little brother, who isn’t really little, was actually able to […]

What To Do When Someone Experiences Child Loss

Posted by on May 20, 2018 in Update | No Comments

Tomorrow we will be passing 4 years without Phoenix. Over the past few days I have been constantly reliving that morning of walking into her room and unknowingly starting my grief journey. Honestly, I don’t  like any of the terms used to described that day. Anniversary – too happy. Angelversey – eh…too many reasons why […]

2017 – it’s been interesting

Posted by on Dec 31, 2017 in Update | No Comments

This is the 4th holiday season without Phoenix. Four Halloweens. Four Thanksgivings. Four Christmas’. Four New Year’s Eves.  Four too many. This hasn’t been the hardest holiday season with out her, it was definitely extremely hard. I tried to be easy on myself, and for the most part I was. But, it is so hard […]

Let Her Be

Posted by on Aug 8, 2017 in Update | 2 Comments

A member at our church lost their dear little baby yesterday. When I heard the news I wrote this down: A bereaved mother is called strong, even though she feels like anything but strong. One day she will pick herself up and keep going, but for now let her cry. Let her be. Her heart […]

1097 Days Ago

Posted by on May 20, 2017 in Life After Phoenix | One Comment

1097 days ago I watched her play, smile, and laugh. 1097 days ago I played with her beautiful hair and looked into those all knowing eyes. 1097 days ago she completed her last swim class. 1097 days ago she sat on my lap. 1097 days ago I hugged her. 1097 days ago I kissed her goodnight […]

Mother’s Day 2017

Posted by on May 10, 2017 in Dear Phoenix, Life After Phoenix | No Comments

Dear Phoenix, This will be the third Mother’s Day without you. I am sorry that we don’t get to spend it together. I am sorry that you don’t get to make cheesy little cards and necklaces.  I would have cherished them. I would have worn your necklaces made of noodles with pride. I am sorry that you […]


Posted by on Apr 13, 2017 in Life After Phoenix, Update | No Comments

Earlier this week, I was playing outside with Little Brother and saw the crate of sidewalk chalk and bubbles that has been collecting cobwebs in the corner of our porch. I pulled it out and dusted off a bottle of bubbles and immediately thought of this post I wrote back in my early days of […]

Hospital stays, Epilepsy, and a Newborn on Top.

Posted by on Jan 28, 2017 in Life After Phoenix | One Comment

After Phoenix passed I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Well, it has. The day after we brought Little Sister home from the hospital Little Brother was admitted  into the hospital and was diagnosed with Epilepsy a few days later. Those days in between were long and difficult – both physically and […]


Posted by on Dec 2, 2016 in Update | One Comment

Last night my tubby kitty, Baxter, suddenly passed away. I heard a crash and then crying. After ruling out it wasn’t Little Brother, I found Baxter laying at the bottom of our third floor stairs. I assumed he fell and broke his neck or back because he wasn’t moving. After a few more seconds he […]

Mom Guilt

Posted by on Oct 17, 2016 in Update | No Comments

One thing all moms have in common is ‘mom guilt’ in some form. But, for mothers who have lost children we have a unique outlook on things. Sometimes, we get judgy and think other mothers should enjoy every moment with their children – because you never know which snuggle, kiss, story, giggle, meal, bedtime will […]