Happy 4th Birthday Phoeinx

Posted by on Oct 6, 2016 in Dear Phoenix, Update | One Comment

Dear Phoenix,

You are four years old today! It is hard to believe that four years ago today we were in a tiny hospital room celebrating your birth. Yes, we were scared about this whole new word that we were thrown in, but that didn’t stop us from loving you. Your daddy changed his first diaper. I was impressed with the amount of hair you had (okay everybody was) – it explained all of my heartburn.

Little girl, you have no idea how I wish you were to celebrate your birthday. Today, Daddy bought you balloon with an owl on it that said Happy Birthday. Your little brother was very excited with it, and played with it for over an hour. Daddy also picked out cupcakes with pink frosting and Barbie rings. Would you have been into Barbie? I loved playing with Barbie growing up. You should have been here though. I should have been able to plan a party. There should have been a dozen little kids running around playing games and laughing.

I had a dream about you last night. You were playing on a sunny beach, on the water’s edge with lots of other children. You were a little taller, you had lost your baby chub and your hair was somehow even longer and lighter. You still had your beautiful fingers the way they were when you left me. You were so happy has you ran in and out of the water – your hair blowing in the wind. I watched you play, but you didn’t even realize I was there. Sadly, the dream was too short and I woke up. But, it was happy dream. I like to think you are happy and that makes me smile.

Baby girl, I love you and I hope you have had an amazing birthday in Heaven. How I wish I could celebrate with you. One day we’ll be together again. Till then,  I will never forget and never stop loving you.




1 Comment

  1. Freya Remmer
    October 7, 2016

    Hi Beth,

    I’m crying reading this… you know, that I know, the pain. I’m sorry that you had to have those stupid Barbie rings without your baby girl. (Sorry for the stupid word… somehow that seems to help me with my grief?!)

    I saw that you’re pregnant. So wonderful.

    Love to you,



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