New Land

Posted by on Sep 29, 2014 in Life After Phoenix, Poetry | 2 Comments

When Phoenix was born somebody gave us this poem, “Welcome to Holland.”  In the beginning it helped calm some of the fear. Yes, we were sad that Phoenix was born different. We were scared for her future. As time went on, we did discover the beauty that she brought into our lives. Later, I read this poem “It’s not Holland.” It perfectly described our feelings as well. But, now we are neither in the desert or Holland. We are in Paris or Italy (doesn’t really matter) when we would rather be somewhere else. Here is my version of both of these analogies:

Imagine you are planning a trip to England. You buy all the guide books and take classes on the proper way to drink tea.

After months of preparing the day has finally come. You board your plane and eagerly await your destination. However, when the plane lands nobody tells you were you are. You know something is wrong, but nobody, not even the pilot says so. You get off the plane and discover you are in a land you knew existed, but never thought you would go. Is it Holland? Is it the desert? It’s definitely not England.

Time goes on, you learn how to navigate this new land. It has a name, but you are too angry to speak it at times. You learn that you are not alone. There are others. They help you survive. You find information on the new land, some of it scares you – some of it gives you hope.

You look at your friends who went to England, and you are jealous of them. Why did they get to go to England? Why did this happen to me? Then, you come to a point where you love this new land and can’t imagine life in England. Who needs to drink tea properly anyway? There is beauty along with the sadness and you love it.

One day, for no known reason, you are ripped out of this new land. “Why!?” You scream. You loved this new land. This was home. This was everything you knew. You are not allowed to go back home; all you have left are pictures and stories, but they are not enough.

Suddenly, you arrive in England. England is everything you expected it to be. There is tea time and Buckingham Palace, and they are wonderful. Yet, there is a piece of you missing. You face each day, loving England and missing New Land. Dreaming of a life that will never be.

Pretty girl!







  1. Bryanne
    September 29, 2014

    My dear, you have a gift with words. I got to England with Greyson, so I have no idea the pain you face each and every day. I know this blog is probably a bit therapeutic for you. I pray for you often. Keep your tidbits coming…you never know when someone just arrived at Holland and comes across your therapy sessions.

  2. Debbie Kanofsky
    September 29, 2014


    You so described how it feels. Dave and I pray for you and Luke everyday. The pictures of Little Brother are adorable.


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