Thin Mints

It is girl scout cookie season. You know what that means? Thin Mints!! But, as I sit here snacking on these delicious cookies I keep thinking of Phoenix and her love of Thin Mints. In, fact it was her love of mint flavor that got her eating fruit. I made a fruit salad with a mint vinaigrette and that little girl gobbled fruit like it was going out of fashion.  After that, she ate fruit without protesting like she had done previously.

Life is feeling odd and slow. Odd in the since that I feel like I have done all this ‘baby stuff’ before. Having Little Brother so soon (7 weeks!) after Phoenix passed has been good in the sense that  my arms don’t feel empty; but, I feel like I have been there done that but with no toddler to show for it. We have our daily routine, yet there is always this feeling that there should be more. Life with Little Brother is much slower. I never realized how much extra there was to do with Phoenix. The phone calls to doctors and insurance. Researching Apert Syndrome repeatedly and obsessively. Therapy. Doctors appointments. I never thought anything of it till she was gone, and suddenly so was all the extra stuff. Having one baby with no special needs is mind numbingly boring.

While life might be slow for me now, I am trying to enjoy it. I don’t know how long I have with Little Brother. I only had Phoenix 19 months. Little Brother might outlive me, he might not . I haven’t been promised that I won’t lose another child. One thing I am grateful for is that I was able to stay home with Phoenix. I was able to be there for her everyday of she short life.  I am happy that I did a lot with her. Like give her Thin Mints.

So, Phoenix, I eat this cookie for you. I bet the Thin Mints in Heaven are incredibly better and don’t have any calories.

March 17th, 2014