Things I miss saying.
1. Don’t drink all the milk. She will need some in the morning. 2. You can’t pick up the cat….it’s half you weight! 3. When I say don’t touch the wire that includes touching it with your feet! 4. What does the cow say? 5. Hide the bread so she will eat her dinner. 6. […]
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
Recently, I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for something bad to happen. Ever since Phoenix passed, I can’t help thinking ‘What is next? What horrible thing is going to happen? I haven’t been promised that I won’t lose any more children. I haven’t even been promised that nothing bad will ever […]
Grief Stops You in Your Tracks. Literally.
Is “Grief stops you in your tracks” a phrase? If not, it should be. Grief literally can stop you in your tracks. It makes you roll into a little ball under the covers and never want come out. It makes stop walking and bend down and hug your knees. It makes you silently scream in your head […]
To Honor You
This poem was read at the first Compassonate Friends meetings that Luke and I went to. To Honor You To honor you, I get up everyday and take a breath. and start another day without you. To honor you, I laugh and love with those who knew your smile And the way your eyes twinkled with […]
A Child Of Mine
One of Luke’s co-workers gave Luke this poem after Phoenix died. He recieved it when his son passed away. A Child of Mine -Edgar Guest I will lend you, for a little time, A child of mine, He said. For you to love the while she lives. And mourn for when she’s dead. It may […]
New Land
When Phoenix was born somebody gave us this poem, “Welcome to Holland.” In the beginning it helped calm some of the fear. Yes, we were sad that Phoenix was born different. We were scared for her future. As time went on, we did discover the beauty that she brought into our lives. Later, I read […]
Bubbles and Cobwebs
Sometimes it takes everything in me not to scream. Other times I scream until my voice gives out. There is something wrong with my life. Something (somebody) is missing I will never have my normal back. I am an empty shell. Last Tuesday Luke and I went to a Compassionate Friends meeting. Compassionate Friends is an […]
10 weeks
August 1 I seriously don’t get it! Why does it have to take so freaking long to get the report back!? Why do they put parents through this!? It has been ten weeks. Ten long weeks. I called the Medical Examiner today and they still don’t have the autopsy (I hate that word) report. Plus, […]
Ava
I have always heard of people having visions or dreams of loved ones who have passed. After Phoenix died, I yearned for one. I wanted needed to see her again. I needed to see her happy. Ten weeks passed and nothing; until yesterday morning (which was the 10 week anniversary of her death). After putting […]
What You May See
You may see the smile on my face. What you can’t see are my nails digging into my palm to keep it there. You may see me going about life. You can’t see the nightmare replaying itself in my head. You may call me strong. I am anything but. You may think of her occasionally. […]
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