Thin Mints
It is girl scout cookie season. You know what that means? Thin Mints!! But, as I sit here snacking on these delicious cookies I keep thinking of Phoenix and her love of Thin Mints. In, fact it was her love of mint flavor that got her eating fruit. I made a fruit salad with a […]
Phoenix is gone
Can’t sleep. Body aches. Heart is broken, Phoenix is gone. I never asked for this. People are unknowingly cruel. And, Phoenix is gone. Sounds, smells and even tastes are mean. A reminder of what has been and what is. Phoenix is gone. Forget this. I hate this. Phoenix is gone. I want to scream, “you […]
A Grief Observed
Sometimes, it is better to let others speak for you. Honestly, I could not of said any of this better. Excerpts from chapter one: No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, […]
So how about those super bowl commercials?
Warning: rant. Did you watch the super bowl last night? I didn’t. No reason, just didn’t. Okay – there is totally a reason, but that isn’t important. When, I was reading through my Facebook newsfeed this morning there were a lot of comments on how sad some of the commercials seemed. So, I watched some […]
Goodbye 2014
As the hours of 2014 quickly fade away, I am left with this mix of feelings. In a way I want 2014 to be over. There have been so many deaths this year, not just Phoenix. So many final goodbyes and so many horrible firsts. Like my first Christmas without my precious Phoenix. It was […]
What happened
On May 21st, 2014 I found my baby girl dead in her crib. 6 months 25 days. 209 days total without her. I am not the same person I was 210 days ago. The next few days were a blur of horribleness. Signing death certificates, funerals, cremation. Words that don’t belong in the same breath […]
Pain
The pain in my chest is there because you are not here. The ache is so intense that it physically hurts. Today it is sharp. Yesterday it was dull. What will tomorrow bring? There is silence. It hurts my ears. My arms ache from not holding you. I yearn for sweet baby smell. My lips […]
Little Fingers and Toes
As most of you know Phoenix wasn’t born with ten fingers and toes. She was born with little rosebud hands and her little toes were one. I remember, at her birth, Luke telling me that there was some webbing on her fingers and toes before he showed her to me. In my 20 hours in labor and […]
Mornings
Every morning I wake up with the same thought.” My baby is dead.” I get up and look at her door, sometimes I go in and tell her how much I miss her. Right now, her room is in this strange transition of storage of her clothes and toys and a little remembrance room. Her ashes are […]
My top list of must do’s
My top 10 list of things to do (or not to do) with your babies. 1. Take several photos. Every day. Don’t delete them, even if you don’t like how you look in the picture. 2. Take at least one video every day. Make sure some are longer than 40 seconds. 3. Enjoy the small things. […]
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